Monday, May 24, 2010

Colby's perspective on our almost-divorce

I decided to have Colby write his perspective. I thought it might be interesting for people to hear it from both of us how and why we think things went sour. Who knows, maybe it'll help someone! So, in continuation from Part 1- Marriage is HARD!, here is Colby's side of the story.


I knew then that marriage wouldn't be easy, I never said it would be. I was just hoping that it would only be as hard as dating is. I mean, really it's the same concept. From the start things were rough. Being overworked and underpaid is hard enough without adding on top of that doing your portion of EVERYTHING.

I've never been a very neat person, a little mess never hurt anyone. I've also not ever been known for my motivation to prepare meals. I like cooking as much as the next guy, but having food brought to you is so much nicer. And that's what wives do, right? They bring the food to you in your lazy chair while you watch TV. I'm sure I would've fit in during the 1950's. Or maybe it would have been fine, if she wasn't already doing the same amount of work outside the house as me.

So there we were. Lazy and resentful. I'm sure I could've done a lot more to be a worthwhile husband, but I just didn't. It's not that I felt she didn't deserve it, I guess I felt I had reached a goal and didn't need to concern myself with the minor details I had before.

It wasn't even 6 months into the marriage before we started hitting rocks. Big rocks that can sink ships. Instead of fixing the ship or removing the rocks, we pushed on. The relationship should just take care of itself. Saying that we both made mistakes is kind of like saying that it tends to rain in the northwest.

I would never claim to be innocent in our transgressions, but that wasn't my reasoning for leaving. I didn't factor in what I had done as reasons to leave. Those were just the things that I had done that I had to deal with. We had been doing the same routine for at least a year. Identify the problem, fight about the problem, work to resolve the problem, be satisfied with the results then relapse 3 months later. I read something recently that really applied to how I felt and acted: "Women show a lack of love with a lack of respect. Men show a lack of respect with a lack of love."

By the time I had told her that I wasn't able to try anymore, I had been out of the relationship for months. Nothing mattered at all. I didn't care about the apartment I lived in, the car I drove, the things I had. I didn't care about my appearance and probably most importantly, my relationship. It wasn't a fight that drove us apart. No anger, no final straw. It was more like a weight that had been bearing down on the relationship for so long that it just was destroyed. It didn't even resemble a functional marriage. Looking back at it, I'm glad we almost got divorced, it was the only thing that could possibly reset our relationship.

Next time: Part 2- Divorce SUCKS!

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